A day

Today I am writing just to vent a little because I am having "a day."  It is a day when nothing seems to go right, a day when I feel completely frazzled, a day my kids want to retaliate against every thing I tell them to do, and a day when I completely question my competency as a mother, a wife, and just an overall good person.  I try my hardest to give my family "my all" but sometimes "my all" just does not seem good enough.


I was horrified from my experience of picking up Arianna at preschool today.  I arrived at the school ready to greet my girl with a hug as she came out of her classroom.  Instead, I was greeted with a shockingly cold look followed by her grabbing a bag out of my hand and yelling, "Give that to me." She then promptly marched towards the door without even looking back or waiting for me.  The teacher just gave me an admonishing look as if I was a child and should be disciplined for my daughter's rude behavior, after all, she is a reflection of her parents. 


I would not feel so bad if this was a one time occurrence but for the past week I have seen a pattern of pure rebellion and rudeness, not only from Arianna, but also from Rylan - examples:  kicking, punching, shouting, name calling, biting... oh yes, did I mention how biting just started recently?  Yup, biting so hard that blood has been drawn. This leads me to believe that it must be something I am doing, or should I say, not doing.  Am I not spending enough quality time with the kids?  I know I seem to be a bit neurotic with keeping the house clean but I try to balance my time between the family and home.  Obviously something must be slipping.   


I know I am not superwoman but I want to do my best.  Ryan works extremely hard and spends all of his free time with our family; the least I can do is raise our kids properly and teach them well.  If I can't do that correctly, then what good am I?


I know I am sounding pretty harsh at the moment (and maybe even a little bit crazy) but this is all just venting and I am sure the kids behavior will change like the wind.  I am hoping that this is all just a stage in their lives and they are just lashing out to gain some sort of independence now that they are getting older.  All I can do is be there for them and give the best of me while at the same time helping them see the best in themselves. And although I am a mother, a wife, and strive to be a good person, I am also imperfect and realize that sometimes I cannot control it all.


So yes, I am having "a day" and eventually this day will soon be over and tomorrow will be a fresh start.  Some days will be good and others will be bad, but each are a blessing in which we are fortunate enough to be alive and able to spend with the ones we love the most.